Robot Ninja Whores (And sometimes Pirates and Zombies, ZOMG!!!111shift1)

iRobot’s Three Laws to protect humans:

• Roombots must not suck up jewelry or other valuables, or through inaction, allow valuables to be sucked up.
• Roombots must obey vacuuming orders given to it by humans except when such orders would conflict with the first law.
• Roombots are authorized to protect their own ability to suction dust and debris as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law.

I want one (Via Engadget).

Alanis Morissette “My Humps” video. Speechless. I’m speechless.

YouTube… or something

I’m warning you now that if you stare at it long enough, it’ll devour your soul… also clicking on the link will force you to a) throw up, b) put your fist into the monitor, c) send me hate mail.

You might want to turn down the volume

Scientists at Tufts University have created robots that mimic a caterpillar… instead of a sorority girl, say in her early 20s (complete with beer bong & funnel). These caterpillar-like simple machines are soft and squirmy, capable in moving in a variety of directions. They believe the applications for such a device will include hunting landmines and repairing machinery in “hard to reach spots.” They can even diagnose and treat illness! You can’t say that about sorority girls. I bet they can catch a large catfish too.

Dr. Barry Trimmer is one of the research scientists that created the sillicon catepillar. The advance will ensure us that SkyNet will be operational by 2002, then dominating earth by 2029. Wait, that didn’t happen yet? Then maybe a Cherry 2000 for everyone in the year… 2000!

Not a sex bot… yet

Makoto Nagano is a 34 year old fisherman. Makoto Nagano is also a ninja. Proof? Watch this clip given to us by a Live Journal user. The sad part isn’t that he looks like me and they play Atari’s Pole Position race starting beeps before the man takes off into oblivion and ninja record books. No, the sad part is that I want to be him and I like Atari’s Pole Position. But the really sad part is I don’t have a joke for Pole Position.

Ninja Skills

I just want to say that this is the most awesomest thing ever. I say that a lot, but this time I mean it. If Carl (My late teddybear hamster) were alive today, he’d want one. I don’t even know what post category to put this in. Let’s just say “ninja.”

Via Gizmodo

I have no fucking clue how I stumbled on this website. However, it explains why women can’t be “intellectual whores.” First of all, I’m for women’s rights to being whores. Seriously, what’s the big deal? And if she wants to be intellectual while whoring herself out? Why the fuck not?

The qualifications for whoredom (for a male) are as follows:

1. The man wants to have sex with the woman
2. The woman has to not want to have sex with him.
3. She has to be interested in keeping him around for other things

Well, this sums up my life pretty much. Actually, every girl friend I’ve ever had. You know, the kind that just likes you as a friend, but still wants to go to Hollywood parties with you and such; or the kind that need you to help them move because you have a truck. You know what I’m talkin’ about–am I right fellas?

Maybe this guy isn’t so stupid after all?

Bonus Explaination: You don’t know how long it took to find a photo of Jenna Jameson in nerdy glasses. The search string “Jenna Jameson Glasses” yielded photos of kayaks, wine glasses, Lt. Worf, and ninja swords. I decided to use a photo of Jenna Bush instead. Kind of ironic, don’t you think?

We’ve scoured the Internet at at 2AM, we found this nifty exposé on Monkey vs Robot. While we are most definitely rooting for the Robots, obviously it brings some humor to the whole superiority of beings thing–like which came first, Monkey or Robot? Or, which is more powerful? Monkey or Robot. In a cage match, which would win? Monkey or Robot? I could go on, but I’m lazy and you probably don’t give a shit.

Mildly amusing, I assure you.

Monkey Robot Ninjas? Ninja Robot Monkeys? Robot Monkey Ninjas?

TOO FUCKING GOOD TO NOT SHOW!!! Celebrate something else on Independence Day besides Danielle Carlson’s birthday and you know… our country’s birthday.

Did I hear some transforming noises? Are they real? Schwhat?

Transformers YouTube Link

Bonus Link: Transformers TV spots I’ve been seeing for the past few weeks (also at YouTube.com)

Let’s forget everything you know about propulsion and go back two centuries. Had George Lucas been alive back then, he may have powered R2-D2 using steam! Imagine a Star Wars universe with steam powered X-wings, B-wings, even Boba Fet’s Jet Pack! Okay, maybe that’s really unrealilstic, but then again, so is Star Wars you fucking nerd.

This guy has developed an R2-S2 (Steam Too). Complete with pressure gauges and wood and brass features! It’d make steam punk proud.

R2-Steam Too for all practical purposes