Robot Ninja Whores (And sometimes Pirates and Zombies, ZOMG!!!111shift1)

Erin Andrews, the sideline reporter/sportscaster for ESPN, was recently filmed walking around naked in her hotel room… through a peep hole drilled from an adjacent room. I thought this kind of thing only happened in teen high jinx films from the 80s.

Recently, TMZ obtained a 911 phone call with the awesomest quote ever.

I did nothing wrong, and I’m being treated like fucking Britney Spears, and it sucks.

It just kind of fit with the last post where Paris Hilton claims to not really be a slut, but also a very unfortunate circumstance for the reporter. Also, this chick has so many looks. She’s like a soccer mom in one photo, a college co-ed in another, then she can also look extremely hot with the right makeup and lighting and boob implants. Does she deserve the media attention? Probably. Should she be treated like Britney Spears? Probably not.

More from the Chicago Sun-Times.

A NASA investigation team is trying to determine why a protective nose cone failed to detach during the launching of a climate satellite on Tuesday morning, dooming the $278 million mission and leaving scientists without a much-anticipated advance in the tracking of global carbon dioxide emissions.

The Orbiting Carbon Observatory lifted off on schedule at 1:55 a.m. Pacific time from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California aboard a four-stage Taurus XL rocket. But about three minutes later, seven seconds after the ignition of the third stage, the payload fairing — a nose cone that protects the satellite as it rises through the atmosphere — failed to separate as commanded.

“It’s a huge disappointment to the entire team that’s worked very hard over years and years and really did their best to see it through,” Charles P. Dovale, the launching manager, said at a news conference. “The reason not everyone is able to do this is it’s hard. And even when you do the best you can, you can still fail. It’s a tough business.”

It’s a tough business my ass! More like tough for the tax payers to have to pay $278 million to cover their fucking  bullshit mistakes!!

NYtimes.com

The bizarre markings spotted using Google Earth’s new underwater search tool last week unleashed a tsunami of theories and speculation across the Web about the origins of the grid-like pattern.

The most popular theory was that the markings were signs of the lost city of Atlantis. But Bits readers also wondered if the maze of lines could be anything from the mystical island featured on the television show “Lost” to an underwater lair inhabited by former Vice President Dick Cheney.

According to Google, it’s time to shelve those tinfoil hats.

In an interview, Steve Miller, product manager for Ocean in Google Earth, firmly debunked rumors that the crisscross markings were anything other than artificial data remnants left by sonar-equipped boats collecting data from the ocean floor.

While sound waves are considered to be more effective than satellites for mapping strips of the ocean floor, they’re often more expensive and time-consuming to use. “The boats have to go slowly. Otherwise, they make a lot of noise and can wash out the readings,” said Mr. Miller. As a result, boats are used less frequently, leaving fewer grid-like sonar patterns visible on Google Earth’s map of the ocean.

Yeah right it has got to be the mystical Island of Lost! It just has to be! I knew that Island was real!!! Now I know where to go to enjoy a nice relaxing vacation or maybe a little time travel.

NY Times.com

The newest product made from goat’s milk is not a tangy cheese, but a drug that could prevent fatal blood clots.

Ushering in a new era of both agricultural and pharmaceutical technology, the Food and Drug Administration on Friday approved the first pharmaceutical product made in the milk of genetically engineered animals.

The 200 goats, which are assiduously cared for at a secure farm in central Massachusetts, contain a human gene that causes them to produce a human blood protein in their milk. After the goats are milked, the protein can be extracted for sale as a drug.

I mean what the fuck is this about? Can’t I sell my breast milk for this shit?

Get the whole article at NY Times.

Babies and young children seem to always be putting things in their mouths. Often, I have wondered how good crushed rock or dried up dog shit could actually taste?! But come to find out eating a little dirt is what helps us develop a healthy immune system. So weird right? All I know is I’d rather be dying a terrible death from a cold or illness rather than eating dried up dog shit.

To find out more on dirt and dried up dog shit check out the New York Times.

Lolz! So I had seen this ad on facebook, which prompted me to delete every single friend I had. Sadly, I only had ten friends so I was only able to aquire one lonely whopper.

Soon after Facebook suspended the ad campaign. It turns out Burger King was actually sending notifications to the deleted friends (I had many angry e-mails) letting them know they had been dropped for a whopper, well a tenth of one that is. 234,000 friendships were severed resulting in 23,400 whoppers gained. So it just goes to show you how true your friends are or how hungry they really are!

Go to The New York Times for more of the story.

Wow, can you believe it? A new line of Louis Vuitton kicks! Not to mention there are five different pairs to choose from… Work it, make it, do it, makes us, harder, better, faster, stronger (If you can afford it that is)!

Kanye says, “Most sneakers focus on the tongue, so I wanted to do something different.” Lolz. Looks like a fucking sneaker to me–except all red. In my opinion I wouldn’t buy them, unless Kanye came in them and gave me some of that sweet black ass.

Via the New York Times

Would you like to bust a nut? If yes, why not bust into a bag of cornnuts?! There are a few simple rules you must follow…

1. Go to your room and MAKE sure you lock the door!
2. Once you’ve tried it you’re guranteed to want some more!
3. Size doesn’t matter and that is a fact!
4. Everybody does it and in fact more than you’d realize, they like it a lot, even at school.
5. So go ahead bust a nut, I mean really bust a nut, I promise I won’t tell!!!!

Bust a nut on YouTube.com

This is NOT Sarah Palin, the Maverick, but we can all get our wankers off to a look-a-like, can’t we? It’s a blow-up doll. That’s right. Maverick blow-up. Mavericks every where can rejoice. Maverick.

Sex, Palin Style

Matt Damon tells CBS of his dislike for Sarah Palin and ninjas his way into likening a McCain presidency to a bad Disney movie. He uses big words like “actuary tables” and “governance.” He also insinuated that there’s a one in three chance that McCain will not survive his first term… you know, because he’s old and was actually around 4,000 years ago when dinosaurs were around. His animosity for Palin stems from her inexperience and right-wing views. Also, she’s a hockey mom, not a soccer mom, so obviously there’s something wrong with her. Just watch the damn video.

Matt Damon: Friend or Foe?