Robot Ninja Whores (And sometimes Pirates and Zombies, ZOMG!!!111shift1)

One of the worst movies ever just got better. Instead of a dramatic look into the showgirl industry in Las Vegas, we got Jessie Spano pole dancing. Sure, that’s not completely a bad thing. We turned our backs at her obvious greatness. When we take a look back at her Saved By The Bell years, her acting seemed so much better in a Saturday morning television show than an NC-17 rated anti-masterpiece.

So much better.

I read that they started making a Party In A Box version of the DVD, complete with shot glasses and “pin the panties on the stripper.” I’m not going to lie. That’s as good as it gets people. Showgirls just got better. And if you disagree, you are obviously not as great as Elizabeth Berkley.

Showgirls, the Ultimate Party In A Box on sale now!

Our friend, Bullet McKenzie, told me about Shirley Manson’s cameo as a T-1000 on the hit show Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles. This wouldn’t be so odd except that she transforms from a urinal in one of the scenes. I’ve yet to see this, nor have I been able to find any cool photos online, thus I made my own shown above. As Bullet McKenzie puts it, this brings new meaning to the song Only Happy When It Rains. She’s a fan of golden showers, though.

After some hardcore Googling, I did come up with something else that’s pretty neat. Via Gizmodo, check out this Photoshop Masterpiece.

Shakeutron, as Gizmodo calls it, will help you shake and tug until you’re dry. I really hope it’s only a two-shaker. Anything else would be aweso–I mean obscene. It’s even got cameras, which I’m sure is used to tell you that your penis is ridiculously small and offer you penis enlargement tips. I think I’ve just invented a new marketing channel for the men’s room.

Shakeutron shakes your weiner!

Attention Class!

I’m gonna dance on my desk so you young men to buy this burger.

Will you eat it?

Or jack off to it?

For you young ladies we have nothing for you fast food makes you fat. Or gives you a flat arse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNlakElmwFs

I can’t post this video. I can’t even post a photo. All I can post is this diagram I drew in Photoshop. There’s no equality because I’m not sure if it equals fun, awesome, or gross. You be the judge.
It involves a robosapien, a dildo, and a whore.

Link

Alanis Morissette “My Humps” video. Speechless. I’m speechless.

YouTube… or something

Makoto Nagano is a 34 year old fisherman. Makoto Nagano is also a ninja. Proof? Watch this clip given to us by a Live Journal user. The sad part isn’t that he looks like me and they play Atari’s Pole Position race starting beeps before the man takes off into oblivion and ninja record books. No, the sad part is that I want to be him and I like Atari’s Pole Position. But the really sad part is I don’t have a joke for Pole Position.

Ninja Skills

TOO FUCKING GOOD TO NOT SHOW!!! Celebrate something else on Independence Day besides Danielle Carlson’s birthday and you know… our country’s birthday.

Did I hear some transforming noises? Are they real? Schwhat?

Transformers YouTube Link

Bonus Link: Transformers TV spots I’ve been seeing for the past few weeks (also at YouTube.com)