Robot Ninja Whores (And sometimes Pirates and Zombies, ZOMG!!!111shift1)

As part of the Star Trek webmaster program, I get all the crazy new awesome Star Trek web resources first. They, in turn, get free publicity.

Star Trek released their new movie logo today, which is suspiciously similar to Transformers. I always said that if the Transformers movie was super bad-ass, awesome, I’d go see the new Star Trek. Both were written by Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman, the pair of whom speak to the heart of every nerd in the universe. In addition, Damon Lindelof and JJ Abrams of Lost, one of my all time favorite shows, are also producing this bad boy.

This makes me a whore.

But really fellas, come up with a better Star Trek logo. Unless we’re going to see the TOS crew battle Decepticons, I think a more traditional approach should have been made.

Beam me up, beam me up, Scotty

IBM’s future super computer is so fast, it’ll be faster than the top 500 super computers in the world on the Top500 Supercomputer list… combined. This is like giving the keys of your new Porsche to your kids, and telling them to only drive to school. WTF are you doin? Of course they’re gonna take their slutty teen ho-bags for a spin.

Gizmodo reports:

• If each of the 6.7 billion people on earth had a hand calculator and worked together on a calculation 24 hours per day, 365 days a year, it would take 320 years to do what Sequoia will do in one hour.
• 20 petaflops could offer a 50x improvement in our capability to predict earthquakes, allowing scientists to predict an earthquake’s effects on a building-by-building basis across an area as large as Los Angeles County.
• 20 petaflops could also provide a 40x improvement in our capability to monitor and forecast weather. This would allow forecasters to predict local weather events that affect areas 100 meters to one kilometer in size, down from their current ten-kilometer ability.

20 petaflops could also help me watch porn on my iPhone without crashing it… Oh, if only life were that simple.

I’m sure that giant robots are in our future. Gizmodo has already called it.

Gizmodo is like Skynet

Our friend, Bullet McKenzie, told me about Shirley Manson’s cameo as a T-1000 on the hit show Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles. This wouldn’t be so odd except that she transforms from a urinal in one of the scenes. I’ve yet to see this, nor have I been able to find any cool photos online, thus I made my own shown above. As Bullet McKenzie puts it, this brings new meaning to the song Only Happy When It Rains. She’s a fan of golden showers, though.

After some hardcore Googling, I did come up with something else that’s pretty neat. Via Gizmodo, check out this Photoshop Masterpiece.

Shakeutron, as Gizmodo calls it, will help you shake and tug until you’re dry. I really hope it’s only a two-shaker. Anything else would be aweso–I mean obscene. It’s even got cameras, which I’m sure is used to tell you that your penis is ridiculously small and offer you penis enlargement tips. I think I’ve just invented a new marketing channel for the men’s room.

Shakeutron shakes your weiner!

This is the second Microsoft adv. with Bill and Jerry. Strange. There’s something about leather. It’s been mentioned in both ads. I’m begining to sense something coming. This video, unlike the previous, was much more enjoyable–which isn’t saying much because the first was pretty crappy. Who knows what’s in store for us. I predict a Windows comeback by next year.

By the way, this video does feature a robot.

Prepare yourselves for the most awesome in high-tech gagets: A flying camera. You can own your very own drone for the very low price of [insert price here because it's too damn expensive and you should stop dreaming].

What’s that red glowy thing? No, it’s not a Cylon, it’s your neighbor’s kid trying to take pictures of your daughter in the shower. If only John Belushi were alive to see this.

DragonFly X6 Website

Sometime in the future, we’ll be marrying robots. If San Francisco is the mother land for homosexuals, Massachusetts will be the capital of robot-human nuptials. Perhaps the Wizard of Oz came 120 years too soon. The Emerald City already tells us tails of love in all forms, lions and scarecrows, witches and pedophilia, dirty old wizards and young, shiny tin man. Maybe I read that story wrong, but my point is that Mass will be Emerald Mass by 2050. I mean, after all, the Kennedy’s are from Mass.

But then again, someone might have been watching too much Cherry 2000.

OMG ROBOT LOVE

Transformers was the best fucking movie EVAR.

Just ask Soundwave, who wasn’t in the movie.

You’re looking at an “Inter Office Reconnaissance Vehicle,” just part of the many zanny DIY robot recipes from the TeRK Telepresence Robot Kit website. This website is so awesome, you can learn how to build an office chair-bot that will herd other chairs and murder your boss. Okay, I lied about the last part, but it has motors to go to and fro and up and down!

Awesome Robots You Can Build On Your Own! [via Slashdot]

For about $22 bucks, you can buy this “Transformers Sports Label Convoy feat. Nike Free 7.0.” Somewhere lost in translation is how you can’t really wear it and this is the most useless, awesome Transformer ever. His name is “Convoy” by the way. The toy-maker, Tomy Company and Nike, have joined forces. Tomy Company is expected to join forces with Trojan Condoms, Product (RED), Apple, and the RIAA to bring more variable-themed Transformers later this year such as the glow-in-the-dark Slip Stream (a Transformer with a rubber casing), Redformer Transformer That’s Red, Transformers MacBook Laptop Super Happy Fun Time Apple OSX, and finally the Give-It-To-Music-Lover-All-Your-Base-Are-Up-The-Ass feat. Autobot Awesome Transfomer (it resembles Soundwave).

I don’t have an explaination for this one

The “Transformers Music Label Frenzy & Rumble playing earphone” sounds like an awesome contraption which ever way you spin it. It looks even better than it sounds. On sale in Japan July 19th, 2007 with a price tag of ¥3,950 This is the first of our awesome Transformer posts today.

More than meets the ear…