Robot Ninja Whores (And sometimes Pirates and Zombies, ZOMG!!!111shift1)

From time to time we Google “Paris Hilton” on Google. I don’t know why I do it. Probably because I love train wrecks and I’m attracted to women with money and power like a Jewish girl is attracted to bagels and bricks of gold. Did I go too far? Probably.

In a new story via E! Online, Paris claims that her bubbly persona is merely her character, or brand, she invented. She goes on to specifically say she is not a slut, nor a stupid “airhead.” Apparently she’s a ninja and we never knew it. Well I suspected, but do we take her on her word? Ninjas are liars after all… but that’s what makes them ninjas. I digress.

First of all, she did not invent “the slut.” I new quite a few that gave me hand-jobs in high school, so she’s really going to have to do more than be slutty. Maybe reinvent the “slut.” She’s really more than some cheap floozy. She’s kind of a rich floozy.

As for being stupid? Well I never thought she was stupid. She’s a genius. It’s all about the ends and she knows how to make them, hand over fist. Even though she’s an “heiress” of millions upon millions, she has the tenacity and capability to turn that into billions and billions. Plus she’s fairly attractive. Fairly attractive and millions of dollars is pretty much a recipe for not having to work the rest of her life, but she will do it anyway.

Paris Hilton, please have my babies so I can live off your fortune. (Please don’t tell my girlfriend either).

The E! Online article, via Yahoo!