Robot Ninja Whores (And sometimes Pirates and Zombies, ZOMG!!!111shift1)

IBM’s future super computer is so fast, it’ll be faster than the top 500 super computers in the world on the Top500 Supercomputer list… combined. This is like giving the keys of your new Porsche to your kids, and telling them to only drive to school. WTF are you doin? Of course they’re gonna take their slutty teen ho-bags for a spin.

Gizmodo reports:

• If each of the 6.7 billion people on earth had a hand calculator and worked together on a calculation 24 hours per day, 365 days a year, it would take 320 years to do what Sequoia will do in one hour.
• 20 petaflops could offer a 50x improvement in our capability to predict earthquakes, allowing scientists to predict an earthquake’s effects on a building-by-building basis across an area as large as Los Angeles County.
• 20 petaflops could also provide a 40x improvement in our capability to monitor and forecast weather. This would allow forecasters to predict local weather events that affect areas 100 meters to one kilometer in size, down from their current ten-kilometer ability.

20 petaflops could also help me watch porn on my iPhone without crashing it… Oh, if only life were that simple.

I’m sure that giant robots are in our future. Gizmodo has already called it.

Gizmodo is like Skynet

Our friend, Bullet McKenzie, told me about Shirley Manson’s cameo as a T-1000 on the hit show Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles. This wouldn’t be so odd except that she transforms from a urinal in one of the scenes. I’ve yet to see this, nor have I been able to find any cool photos online, thus I made my own shown above. As Bullet McKenzie puts it, this brings new meaning to the song Only Happy When It Rains. She’s a fan of golden showers, though.

After some hardcore Googling, I did come up with something else that’s pretty neat. Via Gizmodo, check out this Photoshop Masterpiece.

Shakeutron, as Gizmodo calls it, will help you shake and tug until you’re dry. I really hope it’s only a two-shaker. Anything else would be aweso–I mean obscene. It’s even got cameras, which I’m sure is used to tell you that your penis is ridiculously small and offer you penis enlargement tips. I think I’ve just invented a new marketing channel for the men’s room.

Shakeutron shakes your weiner!