Robot Ninja Whores (And sometimes Pirates and Zombies, ZOMG!!!111shift1)

Lolz! So I had seen this ad on facebook, which prompted me to delete every single friend I had. Sadly, I only had ten friends so I was only able to aquire one lonely whopper.

Soon after Facebook suspended the ad campaign. It turns out Burger King was actually sending notifications to the deleted friends (I had many angry e-mails) letting them know they had been dropped for a whopper, well a tenth of one that is. 234,000 friendships were severed resulting in 23,400 whoppers gained. So it just goes to show you how true your friends are or how hungry they really are!

Go to The New York Times for more of the story.

The Swedes have an 18k gold plated “massager” that makes me want to let potential buyers know I put out for a good cheeseburger.

The description reads:

The most luxurious vibrators and massagers in the world, arriving on a satin pillow in an exclusive wooden box, ready for truly special users. All are crafted in stainless steel or 18K gold plate, materials that offer exciting prospects for those inclined to the sensual use of temperature.

I want all women to know that I can too come on a satin pillow and in a wooden box (if you’re into that sorta thing).

Death by Snoo Snoo

This is just a link… to a NSFW kinda video
http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=7467&Top20=1&rtn=index-top20

This week in our Periodical Google Search of Paris Hilton, we have discovered a news story about Paris’ hatred of panties. The story says Paris was trying on bikinis worth about $300 each when the store asked her to purchase them because she wasn’t wearing any panties. Paris responded by saying they didn’t fit and refused to buy them. I don’t even have a joke for this story.

Paris hates panties. Men rejoice, somewhat. 

For about $22 bucks, you can buy this “Transformers Sports Label Convoy feat. Nike Free 7.0.” Somewhere lost in translation is how you can’t really wear it and this is the most useless, awesome Transformer ever. His name is “Convoy” by the way. The toy-maker, Tomy Company and Nike, have joined forces. Tomy Company is expected to join forces with Trojan Condoms, Product (RED), Apple, and the RIAA to bring more variable-themed Transformers later this year such as the glow-in-the-dark Slip Stream (a Transformer with a rubber casing), Redformer Transformer That’s Red, Transformers MacBook Laptop Super Happy Fun Time Apple OSX, and finally the Give-It-To-Music-Lover-All-Your-Base-Are-Up-The-Ass feat. Autobot Awesome Transfomer (it resembles Soundwave).

I don’t have an explaination for this one

The crazy UK folk are at it again, specifically in Liverpool. It seems there’s a pigeon problem costing the city of Liverpool a ton of money and human resources cleaning up after the pesky birds. The RoBOPs, or Robotic Birds of Prey, will be deployed to scare off the pigeons.

This is probably the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard of. They could probably just as easily use a real doll to scare off pigeons. I think the city of Liverpool needs a new Monorail while their at it.

Robo Falcons? Yes please!

Yep. You know that face you have while having sex? Yep. I found this disturbing C3PO tape dispenser on RetroBlast! today and after a little searching, I found a site that’s selling them. I really can’t say much about it, except that it’s sold out. I think it’s vintage and it must definitely be in limited quantity. Did people actually buy this? Is he taking a dump or is he waiting for you to tug on his robot wang?

Sold Out (luckily)

[via RetroBlast!]

My roommate and I sat down to watch MTV for some reason and Laguna Beach was on.

The show is filled with a bunch of teenaged boys and girls with “real life issues” and for that reason, I’m making every member of the show our featured whore.

Rich, white, shallow, teenagers. I told her that show is what’s wrong with women today. She said, “Eddie, they’re like 16 years old.” Yes, but they turn into shallow 21 year old women. No one can relate to this show except white, shallow, teens. She adds, “rich, white, shallow teens. Maybe you should add it to your website, ‘Robot, Ninja, Whore, Chicken’ or whatever.”

So now I have.

Is this why I can’t get a date? I’ll just watch some Dane Cook and make myself feel better about the world.