Robot Ninja Whores (And sometimes Pirates and Zombies, ZOMG!!!111shift1)

Babies and young children seem to always be putting things in their mouths. Often, I have wondered how good crushed rock or dried up dog shit could actually taste?! But come to find out eating a little dirt is what helps us develop a healthy immune system. So weird right? All I know is I’d rather be dying a terrible death from a cold or illness rather than eating dried up dog shit.

To find out more on dirt and dried up dog shit check out the New York Times.

Lolz! So I had seen this ad on facebook, which prompted me to delete every single friend I had. Sadly, I only had ten friends so I was only able to aquire one lonely whopper.

Soon after Facebook suspended the ad campaign. It turns out Burger King was actually sending notifications to the deleted friends (I had many angry e-mails) letting them know they had been dropped for a whopper, well a tenth of one that is. 234,000 friendships were severed resulting in 23,400 whoppers gained. So it just goes to show you how true your friends are or how hungry they really are!

Go to The New York Times for more of the story.

Real women would never want to be anything like Paris! –Unless you want to be famous for DUI’s, sex tapes, or even being a drug smuggler. Allegedly, some guy named Darnell Riley stole some scandalous video tapes from Paris. Riley states that in one of Paris’ videos that her ex Nick is taping, Paris pulls out a zip-lock baggie full of weed from her luggage, breaks it down and proceeds to roll a fatty.

Unbelievable! She flew drugs into Mexico? That’s the kind of shit that you’re supposed to fly out of Mexico, not into Mexico! Nick comments that this tape can never get out and Paris says, “Yeah, the Paris Hilton tape, part two.” OMG, Paris didn’t you learn from Brokedown Palace circa 1999? Sooo very ballsy of you, even if your stuff is some kind of Pineapple Express. Nobody knows if she’s actually that stupid or just figured she would bribe the federales with money and/or a sexual favor. To get the real low down on Paris, check out the book Six Degrees of Paris Hilton.

Look for it in your local book store’s bargain bin, or buy it at Amazon.com

Wow, can you believe it? A new line of Louis Vuitton kicks! Not to mention there are five different pairs to choose from… Work it, make it, do it, makes us, harder, better, faster, stronger (If you can afford it that is)!

Kanye says, “Most sneakers focus on the tongue, so I wanted to do something different.” Lolz. Looks like a fucking sneaker to me–except all red. In my opinion I wouldn’t buy them, unless Kanye came in them and gave me some of that sweet black ass.

Via the New York Times

A tiny sea creature capable of rejuvenating itself over and over again may hold the secret to eternal life.

The jellyfish-like Turritopsis Nutricula reverts back to a juvenile form once it mates after becoming sexually mature.

So for this creature it’s sex, not piety that is the key to living for ever.

This turritopsis jellyfish was foubnd off the Florida coast. The creatures are found around the world and have the potential to live forever

Tiny terror: The animal only grows to 0.2ins but can regenerate itself over and over again

Turritopsis is technically known as a ‘hydrozoan’ and is the only animal that is capable of reverting completely to its younger self.

It does this through the cell development process of transdifferentiation.

Theoretically, this cycle can repeat indefinitely, rendering the animal potentially immortal.

While most members of the jellyfish family usually die after propagating, turritopsis has developed the unique ability to return to a polyp state.

Having stumbled upon the font of eternal youth, this 0.2ins creature is now the focus of many intricate studies by marine biologists and geneticists.

Found in warm tropical waters Turritopsis is believed to be spreading across the world as ships’ ballast water is discharged in ports.

Though solitary, they are predatory creatures and evolve asexually from a polyp stage.

A Turritopsis polyp: The jellyfish reverts to this sexually immature stage when starved or damaged

Check it out on facebook mail online.

Even with a perfect figure, it can be difficult to draw attention in the era of outpatient cosmetic surgery. Luckily the Nipple Pheromone is here to help.

If ditching the bra and dropping the ambient temperature to a brisk 35 degrees hasn’t done the trick, or if nature has simply not provided you with nipples that can protrude sensually from your otherwise PG business casual sweater, the Nipple Pheromone can level the playing field so you can compete with that new, hot cleavage chick from HR. After all, you are an educated, hard-working, handsome man. And dammit, you deserve that promotion.

[Tokyo Times]
Get your nipples at youtube.com

Would you like to bust a nut? If yes, why not bust into a bag of cornnuts?! There are a few simple rules you must follow…

1. Go to your room and MAKE sure you lock the door!
2. Once you’ve tried it you’re guranteed to want some more!
3. Size doesn’t matter and that is a fact!
4. Everybody does it and in fact more than you’d realize, they like it a lot, even at school.
5. So go ahead bust a nut, I mean really bust a nut, I promise I won’t tell!!!!

Bust a nut on YouTube.com

The Swedes have an 18k gold plated “massager” that makes me want to let potential buyers know I put out for a good cheeseburger.

The description reads:

The most luxurious vibrators and massagers in the world, arriving on a satin pillow in an exclusive wooden box, ready for truly special users. All are crafted in stainless steel or 18K gold plate, materials that offer exciting prospects for those inclined to the sensual use of temperature.

I want all women to know that I can too come on a satin pillow and in a wooden box (if you’re into that sorta thing).

Death by Snoo Snoo

Get your very own Presidential or Vice Presidential candidate Cabbage Patch doll on Ebay!  These are much pricier than the 80s originals; Sarah Palin is the most expensive at $716.  McCain and Obama cost a modest $510, and Biden goes for a measly $425.  Foxnews.com said it best: “While children aren’t allowed to vote, a few lucky little ones can still pick — and hug and kiss and squeeze — their president.” Only 4d 19h 27m left to bid, so hurry!

This is NOT Sarah Palin, the Maverick, but we can all get our wankers off to a look-a-like, can’t we? It’s a blow-up doll. That’s right. Maverick blow-up. Mavericks every where can rejoice. Maverick.

Sex, Palin Style